Tonight I was wrapping Killian's presents....and an overwhelming feeling came over me. I miss him!!!!!!!!! It's been nine...wait, ten months since we've seen him.
Since right before we left Montgomery back in February. And I know I'm only his stepmom, but I've been a part of his life for eleven years and it's hard to be so far away. The hardest part tonight has been...putting together an album of family pictures for him. Pictures that he's not in.
Pictures where there needs to be another big brother.
Pictures where there needs to be another son.
Pictures where there's supposed to be one more child. Because our family...it is blended, yes. So most of the time you will only see five of us. But really, there are supposed to be six.
And when I start to focus on that. On how much I miss having him in our lives more. On how I miss the daily interactions, him being a part of our holiday traditions and nightly prayers...it's times like these that I have to pause for a minute and reflect, and be thankful for the time we have had with him.
Thankful for the several folders on my computer filled with pictures of us all together last Christmas. Of the two weeks we got to spend together in Orlando at Disney World before we moved worlds away. Of captured memories like this one...
My tuckered and tired kiddos after a week and a half of Disney World...on Christmas eve in their new pajamas, with their new ornaments and the tiny tree we brought to our hotel room.
And on night's like this, after I count my blessings, I ask God for grace. Grace to be the best stepmom I can be. Grace to get through times when I miss Killian. Grace to do all that I can from afar -- sending love, family photos and lots of prayers.