Charity's Crazy Beautiful Life

Ten on Tuesday

Why, hello there! Where have you been, dear lovelies? Oh, wait, it's bee ME that's been gone? Oh yeah, oops! I haven't posted in about a month. A month without posting. And really, I don't have much of a good excuse. But I'll try to fill you in on a few things that may give light to what's been keeping me away from my blog. Ten things, as a matter of fact...but before I do, I must let you know, that they are sort of, kind of...random!

1. My kids have started their fall activities. My two boys play football (5 nights a week), my daughter swims (4 days a week), they are all in scouts (cub scouts, boy scouts or girl scouts), my two still in Elementary school are doing Taiko drumming club on Thursday afternoons, my middleschooler is doing Middle School Youth Group after school on Tuesdays...and on Sundays we go to church and Sunday School. Now add in my weekly bible study and my weekly lunch with my friends and you can now see that my week is busy. I do have spare time. Not much of it, but it's there. And lately, I haven't been using it to blog. But that's over...I'm BACK!!

2. Two weekends ago I went on a women's retreat through my church. The retreat is called a Cursillo. I left Thursday afternoon and came home on Sunday evening. And wow! WOW, wow, WOW!!!! What an amazing time. I cannot wait to share more with you about my Cursillo, well, really, it's more like...more about me since Cursillo...but that will take more time. All I will share now is that GOD is good!

3. I'm still not unpacked. Well, yes I am. I'm still not settled and organized and I don't have my house the way I want it it yet. I've been here for almost four months...and my house still needs some TLC. It's bugging me! Really getting on my last nerve! I vowed to only go out to lunch once a week and to not visit a new store or a new beach until my house is done. I'm tired of not feeling settled!

4. My youngest got sick. Real sick. Colby got the flu and ran temps ranging from 100.9 to 104.2 for 7 days. Scared me. This was also during the same week that my husband had to work an exercise where he was gone for 14 hours of his day...and was busy eating, showering, and sleeping the other 10. So I spent most of that week cuddled with my boy...getting him water, cool clothes for his forehead, more Motrin or Tylenol, and praying that he'd get over what he had. He did. He's now well. And in about a week, we'll know what he had. Gotta love that system! If my hunch is right, though, it was the swine flu. Yuck!

5. For the past two days I have not been feeling well myself. I've slept about 36 hours in the last 48. I thought I was coming down with something...maybe what Colby had. But I'm not running a fever. I'm hoping it was just a case of exhaustion form being up with him day and night and still having to get up and be mom to my other two. I'm really hoping that's what it was and that my body isn't trying to combat something.

6. I have to sleep with a fan on. I haven't always. It started when we lived in humid Alabama and we had a ceiling fan in our bedroom. Now we live in humid Okinawa, Japan...but we don't have a ceiling fan in our bedroom. So we use a standup fan. And it drives Craig nuts!!! I'm sorry that it drives him nuts. I truly am. But I can't sleep without it (I get hot and sweaty, and yuck!) and really, I think he'd dislike my sleep deprived, grumpy butt more than he dislikes my fan. So I turn the fan on every night. Is this flawed logic? I don't think so.

7. It's been really rainy and windy here lately. Lots of it. I don't know if this is typical fall weather for Okinawa, or if it's because there have been Tropical Storms in our midst...but we've been missing the sun lately. My oldest actually got rained out on his Boy Scout camping trip last weekend. And they do everything in the rain here...so you know it was bad!

8. It's less than a week 'til Halloween and I'm so not ready. My kids don't have costumes done. We don't have one (nope, not one) decoration up. I haven't made goodies or treats for anyone. And...that's so not like me. I can't pinpoint why. Lots of other things going on, I guess. The rain and wind here makes it hard to put up decorations. There isn't a Target to go shop at for decorations and BOO supplies...or a good thrift store to find costume pieces at. It's my favorite time of year, and I'm at a loss. What can I say?

9. I didn't own a laptop until I bought one during my "PCS Purgatory" -- otherwise known as the five months it took me to get from Alabama to Japan. (If you'd like to read more about that go to the archives and read from February to July of this year.) In our old house, I used to sit in our computer room late at night and do my homework, watch tv online, or blog. Now, I sit on my laptop and do it. In bed. Why? Well, because I have one and I can. And the other really big reason. Here...I'm gonna let it out. I'm afraid. My house scares me and I don't like to be anywhere but in bed with my brave and protective husband after dark. There. I said it. I'm afraid of my new old house. I'm a chicken and scared of things that go bump in the night. Which means that when I blog at night, I do it from bed. And Craig sits up and looks over at me every once in a while when I'm typing and says, "are you going to bed YET?" Poor guy. He has to put up with my fan and my frantic, fraidy cat typing! Sheesh!

10. Which leads me to say that I'm missing you. My friends. My family. I'm in a great new land making great new friends and learning a great new culture. But there are still days. Many days sprinkled in where I miss my friends, my family, where I used to shop, where I used to eat.  This has been the hardest transition, the hardest move I've ever done. It hasn't been easy. I'm not complaining because there are so many great things, so many positives about living here. And I'm, by nature, a pretty optimistic person. But if I weren't, I could sure be dwelling in some negative right about now. And I just want to throw that out there because in the midst of moving here someone told me that it was for my convenience. And, although I'm getting more and more used to Japan everyday, I'm still missing you more and more every day. It's been almost a year since I knew we were moving here...and yep, still not convenient. Just wanted to throw that out there.

That's it folks. My ten for Tuesday. Tuesday my time, that is. Night!

Right Now

Right now it's almost midnight and I'm laying in bed, listening to my husband snore and the geckos chirp.

Right now I'm happy that we got so much accomplished today.  Kind of disappointed that we spent our holiday weekend doing house stuff. But...my home is really starting to feel like my home. And I'm happy and excited and want to hurry up and get it done so I can start doing even more fun things like...organizing my photos and labeling my fridge! (Yep, that's what I call fun!)

Right now I'm wondering who I know in the states that might be up this early on a Sunday morning. I miss talking to everyone! I'm HARDLY EVER on my phone any more. Can you believe that? (Those of you who know me well, can't, I know!)

Right now I am happy that I'm actually ahead of the game and have a real good grasp on the things I've got to do for Allyssa's b-day party next weekend. That's not usually the case. Usually I'm a procrastinator and everything is last minute. Yeah me!

Right now I can't believe that my baby girl is turning ten...TEN...T E N next weekend. Oh my! (Breathe!)

Right now I am realizing that I have ALOT of books. Craig and I have been building a book case/wall unit in our living room. It's been slow going (about a month so far) because we've had so many other things going on. But today we finally got it done minus the finishing touches. But done enough that I was able to put all my books on it. Which leads me back to my beginning thought, I have ALOT of books! (And I'll share pictures of our first build when the finishing touches are done. We aren't professional carpenters, but I'm happy with it. I'm happy we did it together. I'm happy we were able to do it together without causing another World War!)

Right now I'm wondering why I'm up so late. I've been going to bed early and getting up early since I've been here. Maybe it's the excitement of getting things done around here. Now I'm motivated and my mind is racing with more ideas. I love having ideas!

Right now I feel like a bad sister because I didn't call my sister, Kim, and it's her b-day. I did leave her a message on facebook and sent her a gift. Although, I think it'll be late. Kim, please know I thought about you several times and I LOVE you!!! One thing I really don't like about being here is the time difference to the states. Extremely inconvenient! Happy Birthday Kimmie!!

Right now I have to pee. (To much information? Sorry!)

Right now I think it's weird that I'm finally feeling at home here on Okinawa...and miss my family and friends back in the states more than ever -- and all in the same day!

Right now I'm thankful for how Colby made me and Craig laugh so hard we were crying tonight at the dinner table. That kid can really make us laugh!! And usually, it's not on purpose. I could write an entire book entitled "Colby's Antics".

Right now I'm nervous about enrolling in my Master's classes on the 14th. Me. A Master's Degree? Who would've thunk!?!

Right now I'm having a plato with my weight loss. Maybe that's because water aerobics ended a week ago and I have yet to figure out what I want to do instead. I need to get on that! I painted today. Alot!! I called it a workout. Craig (who thinks he's my very own personal trainer) didn't think that was very funny...or that it counted. I almost googled it to see how many calories you burn in hour to show him. Then I thought better of it.

Right now I wonder what Killian is up to this weekend. We'll call him tomorrow.

Right now I'm wondering if we'll ever find a cat (yes, Craig agreed to let us get a cat, can you believe it!?!) that "speaks" to us. I mean, I KNOW that we'll be looking for a long time if we're expecting a cat to sit up tall and say, "Excuse me, m'am, I'm hungry and lonely and in need of a good home. And you all look like a good family..." but we are expecting to get butterflies and giddies. Then again, we haven't been too overly diligent in our search. I guess when I get the house done I'll make that more of a priority.

Right now I know that my Daziel is a good kid!! (In case you don't have facebook - I'll share with you a status update I put on there this morning.) 7am: I'm asleep. My alarm didn't go off (or did I set it?). Church is at 8:30. Daziel walks in and nudges me gently. He says, "Mom, aren't we going to church?" LOVE it when my kids show a ♥ to serve the Lord!

Right now I'm going to turn off the computer and read myself to sleep... a book that I borrowed from a friend. Yes...I know...I've got the floor to ceiling book cases FULL of books downstairs and I'm reading a borrowed book.

Weight Confessions and some Good News!

First, the confessions...

Yes, I have been working out. But this week, not so much. Today, my Thursday, I finally went to the pool for my second water aerobics of the week. And I was kind of beating myself up over it. That it was only my second class and I hadn't done more this week. I was beating myself up for eating that sweet pastry yesterday. Beating myself up for not going to bed earlier...so I could get up early to work out. Plus, have you heard the studies about how people who sleep less gain weight, or have trouble taking weight off, at least?

Yes, I've realized that I do that alot - beat myself up over things! That I'm a perfectionist and I hold myself to pretty high standards. But the thing is...I internalize all those standards and don't let many people know that I'm beating myself up. (Do we all do that?) I pull that sunny disposition out of my pocket, put a smile on my face, and decide to look at the glass half full - and just deal. And maybe eat a sweet or two when I haven't met my own expectations. Or a plate of chips and salsa. And worst thing, I'd eat it at night while watching tv - a true couch potato! And for years now, I've been covering up my unhappiness about my weight, my constant thoughts and obsession about it by eating myself bigger. Oh how I was missing the mark - how does that even make since? It doesn't, not at all, but it's what was happening! 

And oh how embarrassing it got. First off, I'm a pysch major - shouldn't I know better? Shouldn't I have caught the mind games I was playing with myself? The voids I was filling with chocolate cake and Dorritos? I loved to read health books and magazines. I knew what I was supposed to be doing...so why would I make my family a nice healthy dinner before leaving for my night classes...then go grab fast food for my dinner on my break? I don't know for sure, but I'm working it out and trying to get to the bottom of why I slowly tortured myself like this.   

You see, I was busy and wrapped up with good things in Alabama...PTO, my Bachelors degree, the kids sports and scouts, my bible study. And I don't wish that I hadn't been wrapped up and involved in all of those things that helped shape me and mold me into the woman I left Alabama being. I'm thankful for all the things I learned, how I grew and the wonderful people I met while doing those things. I just think that when you're wrapped up in good things, it's hard to see that sometimes...even good things aren't so great when they are done in excess or obsessed over. And I can be a bit obsessive about things that I care about. I was a bit obsessive about my degree and PTO. So much so, that I let my health fall to the wayside. And while we lived in Alabama, I watched the pounds creep up the scale, up by hind end, and pile onto my gut...and then there I was again, beating myself up for not being that perfect version of the me I saw, the version of me that none of you have ever got to meet.

And while we lived in Alabama, I gained 40 pounds. FORTY flippin' pounds!! Forty MORE pounds, because when we moved to Alabama, I was already a good sixty pounds overweight! So, I loved Alabama. I had a great time there. I grew as a person. I met great people. And...I gained weight. Lots of it!

And by the time we were leaving Alabama I was embarrassed to even see family again after all the weight I had gained. I was ashamed at how I looked and how I had let myself go. And my age was hitting me hard, as I was realizing that this is my last year in my twenties, that I am soon to be thirty, and that I had been fat for an entire decade! That my children had never seen me fit and tone. That my looks, my health, and my self-esteem was deteriorating at a rapid rate. And then...at that point...I vowed that it had to stop!

I knew that if I didn't get a grip on what was going on with me...what food I was putting into my mouth, what exercise I wasn't getting, how I was hiding emotions with eating, that the stress of this move from Alabama to Japan would put me over the edge. At first, I begged family members to apply to be on The Biggest Loser with me. But the bad thing was, there wasn't anyone else in my family that needed to lose weight THAT bad...but me! So then, I started with small things. Not drinking soda and trying to drink more water, things like that. 

During the five months we were in limbo between Alabama, and during our entire stressful move to Japan, I climbed on a scale every once in a while...and was elated! Ecstatic, really. Not because I had lost weight. But just because I hadn't gained any weight. I thought that was inevitable...gaining weight during the most stressful move of my life. And then, I was noticing a pound or two gone. Here or there. And by the time I had got to Japan, I had lost between 15-20 pounds from the time we left Alabama. I was relieved. Just happy that I hadn't gained weight. But I also knew that if I didn't start making some life changes, that I'd get back into the pattern I was in in Montgomery and I'd either stay the same or gain more weight. And I wasn't going to let that happen!

The Good news...

So since I've been here in Japan, about a month and a half, I have really been trying hard to lose weight. I have NOT been dieting! I have been making some life changes that I think I can continue with, so I can live healthier in all aspects of who I am. They include drinking more water, moving more, daily devotionals, not eating snacks after dinner (that was a hard one), eating a good breakfast and...working out! And I saw a few more pounds drop off here and there to where I could confidently claim the loss of 20 pounds. I was excited...motivated. I knew I was heading down the right path.

But then, this week happened. A rut. And so often times I fall into a rut and don't pull myself out if it - and then that's the end of it. I go back to what's easy, my old lifestyle.

So you see, that is why I was soooo beating myself up for not going to workout more this week. And I even had a sort of good reason. I wasn't feeling so hot earlier on in the week.  Girl issues that I'm sure none of you want to hear about...so 'nough said! The other reason, which isn't as good as the first, is that I've been sucked (ha ha, pardon the corny pun, I just couldn't help myself) into reading the Twilight Series. I'm on the last book now - so I think I'll be able to resurface and life will resume as normal here shortly.

Ok, I digress...back to this morning. I got home from water aerobics feeling good about the work out (it made me sweat - which YES, is possible, even in the pool!), but not feeling so great about missing so many workouts this week. And my daughter had this waiting for me for breakfast...

 what a sweetheart, hmn? It's a low fat yogurt, banana, and granola parfait. Yum!! My family has been sooo supportive in my endeavor to be healthier! And then, I sat there at the breakfast table and decided that I wasn't going to beat myself up anymore about not working out. That I'm NOT perfect, that I never will be...and that beating myself up over it is stupid because it just makes me want to make a chocolate cake and indulge in it - the whole thing - all by myself! Nope, this morning I decided that I am going to let myself slip and slide and trip up, but I am NOT going to waver off of this path of getting healthy.

Then I went and got on my scale to do my weekly weigh-in. And...I jumped and stomped and yelped and... did a happy dance. I have officially lost 30 pounds since we left Alabama in February. THIRTY pounds. That was my goal by my 30th birthday, to lose thirty pounds. I've made it! Hit my goal, and I still have four more weeks to go!!! So maybe I can lose all of the 40 pounds that I gained over the last four years in the South by then! I don't know if I can, but I sure am gonna try! And...I'm gonna try to stop beating myself up over the things I can't do, don't do, and am not -- and try to pat myself on the back every once in a while for the things I can do, do do, and will accomplish!

Post Problems -- Stay Tuned

Ok, so things aren't going as planned tonight. I have a post written and am trying to add the pictures (lots of them) to it. But it's taking FOREVER to do that. (Not sure if it's this site or my shotty internet connection?) And I'm tired. And you really need the pictures for that post...so it'll have to wait. 'Cause I've GOT to get to bed! But I didn't want to leave you hanging tonight. I wanted to check in and say "hello". So, sorry no pics...no witty story...no funny jokes. Just me. Saying hello. I hope you had a great weekend. And..good night!

P.S. Stay tuned, I'll publish that post as soon as I can add the pictures.

Color Mishap

So...as many of you who follow me on facebook know, I've been painting like crazy. Well, not really like crazy. Because I keep taking breaks to do thinks like go to the beach, attend water aerobics, and take my kids out to lunch. But I am painting. To me, painting is part of unpacking and settling into a home...so my base house can look more like my home. And it seems like the painting is taking forever! Part of that may be because I keep picking jacked up colors!! Check this out...

The paint on the left is what I wanted. (Keep in mind, it's the first coat, so it doesn't look great yet.) The one on the right is what I got THINKING I had gotten the color on the left. Do you see the difference? My goodness...I couldn't live with the sea-foam green any longer, so I REPAINTED that room. Yes, I did!!

I have a wall in my living room awaiting another color too -- 'cause the color it's painted looks FUNKY and just not right!! I've NEVER had so much trouble picking paint. In all the houses and rooms I've painted. I usually hit the nail right on the head with color choices. This go 'round, not the case. I'd like to attribute my poor choice in wall colors, though, to things beyond my control. Because surely it can't be me. Right? Right!?!?! I'd like to think that I keep picking horrible wall colors because the light here is different, making the colors look different once they're put on the walls. Or maybe it's the sea air, or all the humidity. Maybe it's because I have really high ceilings. (Yeah, I know, excuses!)

Maybe...I need to just suck it up and realize I've lost "the knack" for picking good wall colors the first go 'round. But hey, on the bright side, the paint is free and my arms are getting one heck of a workout!

And, even though I've almost been here a month, things are moving along with the unpacking, painting, and settling in. Hopefully in another week or two I'll be able to show you the "finished" pictures of my house. That is, if I don't have any more color mishaps!

Growing Pains -- Welcome Home!

So, I'm tired. It's almost 10:30pm here on Saturday night. We were all sitting down watching a family movie. I was contemplating whether or not to blog, and was leaning toward the "not" because I'm just plum tired. But then, Craig got a phone call...called into work. He was irritated and disappointed. But, that's our life here. He's 2nd in charge, so that'll probably happen alot.

Which is kind of funny.... because we (him and I) were just talking about this scenario earlier today. About how this base is so different for us. For him - his career. For us -- our family. How much change it all is. And I'm first to say that I am all for moving in the military and getting to experience new places. I love PCSing. In theory. I love the outcome, how at the end of our time at a new duty station, I feel like I've accomplished something, how I've learned and grown. But, I must admit that the getting there, to that change, it's not always the funnest. Sometimes, change hurts. Sometimes, in order to get to the good outcome, we have to withstand some growing pains.

And I've been feeling the growing pains this week as we're getting settled into our new home here in Japan.  And lately, as I've been unpacking and painting and organizing my house away, I've had my moments. My happy moments. When I'm thrilled that we're finally here with Craig. Intrigued by driving on the left side of the road. Curious about the language and the culture and all the new things we'll get to see and do and learn.  And then, I have moments of sadness. And mostly, lately, because all I've been doing is unpacking -- it's about my house. My new house and my old home. 

You see, as I unpack all of my familiar things into this unfamiliar house, I am reminded about how I had really gotten into a groove in our last home. And I miss it. I miss my painted walls, my yard, and how I finally had everything so perfectly organized. I had figured out how to use every available foot of space in that home. And with that came good routines and schedules, and...we were happy. Our home in Montgomery wasn't big...it was actually probably pretty close to the same size that this house is.  But, we were settled.

And at the beginning of this week, as I walked around this new house of ours, I started to get a bit discouraged. This house is older. And build to withstand weather. It is entirely cement and our floors are all tile. We have three bathrooms but only one has a shower. Our ceilings are all angeled and none of them have the cute crown molding that had given our last house so much charm. And the more and more I thought things like this, the more these kind of thoughts kept coming. It was so easy to see the good in my last house, our last base, our last city, all our old friends -- and so easy to see fault in all that was new here.

And the more and more discouraged I got, the more and more I knew I had to figure out a way to snap out of it. To get over it. To "buck up" and make it work, because feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to get me anywhere.  And just as I was trying to turn my attitude about our new house around...I stumbled upon something. Literally -- I tripped over this little sign.

It was given to me by my friend Dee as we were leaving Montgomery. Instead of giving me a card, she gave me this. And on the back she wrote:

Dear Zaleski's,

As the Air Force takes you from place to place; it is not the size of the house that defines who you are but the strength of your "home". Your home has inspired me in more ways than one and for that I am so thankful. Charity, you have made Montgomery tolerable with your kind heart and open mind. Thank you fore being...you!

Love, The Wild Family

It was at that moment, upon stumbling on this sign, that I realized what I was really missing. I was missing all of the things that were familiar to me. Yes, this house is old. It's not nearly as cute as our old house was. But I can change that around in no time.  Because, as my husband, Craig keeps reminding me... that when we first moved into our house in Montgomery, I wasn't too thrilled with it either.  When I complain about all of our tile floors, our ugly kitchen ceiling or our yard that is lacking in any kind of privacy, he gently reminds me that it's not the floor, the ceiling, or the yard that's bugging me...but that I haven't made this house my home yet. This last week, my husband has been good. He's been patient and loving and kind. And I've needed that.

And the last few days, I've been painting and organizing like crazy. Trying to put my mark on this base house. Trying to give it some character. Today, Craig and I spent a good few hours in my daughter's room -- hanging pictures (into cement walls, yep, that takes time), rebuilding a shelf, and talking. We talked about our goals for while we're here, what life will be like (and won't be like), how much bigger our kids seem...all while listening to them playing board games dowstairs, giggling and hollering, all in good fun. It was a nice day. Not only because our house is starting to look like our home. But...because it's starting to feel that way to. And that, I don't believe comes with painting walls. That comes from dreaming and talking and laughing and loving -- and having friends that know the right gift to send along -- welcome home! (And thanks Dee, that gift was perfetct then...and even more perfect now!!)

Jet lag, allergies and unpacking

 

Can you tell it's a foreign country by my sunrise picture? This is looking out my back door this morning as the sun was rising. I think it was about 5am-ish. I got up at 4am. Amazing, yes, I know. You may be talking about the sun rise. I'm talking about me actually being awake to see it. You see, I'm not a morning person. So sunrises are not normally something I witness. But my jet lag has been putting me to bed early, which means up early too. And, I'm kind of liking it!!

So, I've been busy doing the first things we military kind do when we get to a new base. Visiting finance to get them working on reimbursing us for the expenses of our move.  Going to the base all-day orientation. I even got my drivers license so I can drive in Japan, which means, on the left side of the road. Scary!!

I've also been trying to unpack little by little without going too overboard because I know I need to adapt to the time zone. I also need to adapt to living with my husband again, ha! (All smiles, folks.)  So, unpacking all the stuff that the movers shipped here and all of these...

And to top it all off, I've got sinus and allergy issues like nobodies business! So, I'm still jet lagged, I"m fighting some crazy allergies...but I'm still unpacking. And I'm painting and organizing, and I can't wait to share pictures with all of you. But I can't. Not yet. 'Cause I'm not that good -- nothing's finished yet. And since it's not, I'll share this with you instead...

It's the view we see a few blocks away from our house. Cool, can you see the water? It's in the middle off in the distance. I don't know if that's the Pacific Ocean, or the East China Sea...those are the waters that surround us. I'll have to get better at my directions and figure it out. But for now...I'm going to bed. Until next time, my friends...

(*Posted at 11:06pm July 9th - Japan time)

And so, it begins... the last official week of our PCS.

I took the weekend off and didn't post. Instead, I helped my sister, Ange, with two weddings (she does wedding flowers). We also went to a barn sale where tons of vendors were set up with antiques and crafts and things. I took the kids to church yesterday. We had a Sunday evening BBQ. It was a fun, but busy, weekend.

In fact...it was so fun (and busy) that I fell asleep last night at 8:30 as Allyssa was reading her bed-time stories out loud to me. I am usually the one who reads her to sleep. And get this...I fell asleep in the dress I wore to church. And slept in it. All night long! Soooo not typical for me. If you know me well, you know that I'm a night owl and an 8:30 bedtime is completely NOT normal. And if you know me even better than well, you know that I like my routines. So to fall asleep in my dress... without doing my nightly routines...or at the minimum, putting pajamas on!  Now, that is completely and entirely NOT typical Charity behavior. But guess what? It was a nice change! At least...I feel rested today, that's for sure!

Which is a good thing. Feeling rested. Because today begins our one week countdown. In one week from today, I will be sitting in my new home in Japan. Which means, we are flying to Japan next Sunday. So...lots to do this week!

And because I love you all so much and hate to think that you'd come all the way to my blog to visit and see the "same old post" sitting here... I have a plan.

This week, I am going to take a break from most of my normal blogging -- because finding the time to wrap my head around a creative account of one of our life stories -- that might be too much. But I will continue to blog our daily activities...the "last official week of this PCS (move) to Japan" kind of stuff. Which, in all honesty, you may find quite boring.

On the other hand, you may find it to be interesting, humorous, and crazy. OR -- it may make you feel very thankful that you won't be hauling three kids, a dog, and 12 pieces of luggage to Japan any time soon.

 

(Pictures are from on of the weddings we did this weekend. If you are in the Spokane, Washington area and are in need of a florist, please visit my sister's website by clicking here. No, I am NOT shameless... she's my sister. Free blog advertising is part of that gig. :-)

I took the weekend off and didn't post. Instead, I helped my sister, Ange, with two weddings (she does wedding flowers). We also went to a barn sale where tons of vendors were set up with antiques and crafts and things. I took the kids to church yesterday. We had a Sunday evening BBQ. It was a fun, but busy, weekend.

In fact...it was so fun (and busy) that I fell asleep last night at 8:30 as Allyssa was reading her bed-time stories out loud to me. I am usually the one who reads her to sleep. And get this...I fell asleep in the dress I wore to church. And slept in it. All night long! Soooo not typical for me. If you know me well, you know that I'm a night owl and an 8:30 bedtime is completely NOT normal. And if you know me even better than well, you know that I like my routines. So to fall asleep in my dress... without doing my nightly routines...or at the minimum, putting pajamas on!  Now, that is completely and entirely NOT typical Charity behavior. But guess what? It was a nice change! At least...I feel rested today, that's for sure!

Which is a good thing. Feeling rested. Because today begins our one week countdown. In one week from today, I will be sitting in my new home in Japan. Which means, we are flying to Japan next Sunday. So...lots to do this week!

And because I love you all so much and hate to think that you'd come all the way to my blog to visit and see the "same old post" sitting here... I have a plan.

This week, I am going to take a break from most of my normal blogging -- because finding the time to wrap my head around a creative account of one of our life stories -- that might be too much. But I will continue to blog our daily activities...the "last official week of this PCS (move) to Japan" kind of stuff. Which, in all honesty, you may find quite boring.

On the other hand, you may find it to be interesting, humorous, and crazy. OR -- it may make you feel very thankful that you won't be hauling three kids, a dog, and 12 pieces of luggage to Japan any time soon.

 

(Pictures are from on of the weddings we did this weekend. If you are in the Spokane, Washington area and are in need of a florist, please visit my sister's website by clicking here. No, I am NOT shameless... she's my sister. Free blog advertising is part of that gig. :-)

PCS Purgatory -- MY side of the story -- part 4

Click to read part one, part two or part three.

It was mid-March, and at the moment the judge was telling us her decision, I was at peace.  Which was odd. Weird, but nice. Especially considering just moments before I was nervous and fidgety. A minute before, I had knots in my stomach and couldn't believe that I was even in court. I really couldn't believe that I had to be in court -- asking that a judge grant me, a military wife, permission to move my son to the Air Force Base in Japan that my husband had been assigned to.

*

But... it was what it was...the situation I was in. An accumulation of my life choices. So I gave it up to God and was at peace the moment the judge told us that...

Yes, we had permission to relocate to Japan with my son, Daziel.

{Sigh} Breathe. Oh, relief!

The judge ordered that my son's father sign the passport paperwork within two days. Pretty much everything else in our parenting plan that had to be changed was due to the distance we were going to be from my boy's father. I will spare you all the legal details, but it all worked out really well in the end. Everything that I was asking for -- I was asking for my son. And pretty much everything I asked for -- was granted.

I couldn't believe it! As I walked out of the courtroom, I was relieved and in disbelief. I couldn't believe that there wasn't a hitch or a hold-up.  That everything had gone so smoothly! After all of the kinks and wrong turns...after all the stress and worry that had been a part of this PCS process for us...it was weird to feel that everything had gone so right. That it looked like there might actually be a "light at the end of the tunnel".

And... as I walked out of the courtroom, I felt bad. I felt bad for questioning. For wondering if things would all work out. I felt bad that God had been so good to me, to my family...and that I hadn't trusted Him to do so all along. And as I walked away from the courthouse that day, I had a little talk with my God. "Lesson learned."

Two days later we got the signed paperwork. Whew, what a relief! But that wasn't the end of it. We had to overnight that paperwork to the agent at our departing base (who was still back in Alabama) so she could overnight it to the State Department where it could be added to the paperwork we had already sent in to start the process. It was supposed to be expedited...processed, approved, and then made into my boy's military passport. We knew that we were dealing with government agencies, and it is peak time for military families to be moving, so we expected that this would still take a few weeks. A month, maybe.

But my husband didn't have a month. Even though things were looking on the bright side, he still had to leave. He had a report no later than date and had to be in Japan by the end of March. But even so, we were still floating on happy thoughts and good vibes because we knew we would be "good to go" soon!

A few days after that, we had to drive to Seattle to take my husband to the airport. He had to leave us so he could do his duty, his job in the Air Force. On one hand, we were still happy that things turned out so well in court just days earlier. But on the other, and on that day, we were a little bummed. We are a military family. And we were excited to be on this journey together. Excited to fly together to our new base in a new country. Excited to get to experience all the "new" things...new house, new car, new neighbors, new (and the list goes on)...together, as a family.  But we tried not to stay in that bummed-out frame of mind for long. Instead of counting the things we were disappointed in, we decided to count our blessings...because after all, we knew that things could definitely be worse!

So, my dear husband was off! He flew to Japan. Alone. I stayed in the northwest, along with three of our kids (remember, Killian lives in Georgia with his mother) and our dog. We decided to make the best of our "waiting game". We started one more round of visits to all of my family (large family) while we waited on Daziel's passport to process. I homeschooled the kids. We waited. We traveled. We waited. We visited more family while we waited some more.

In the meantime, I called our agent weekly to check on the passport's status. She assured me that she'd let me know as soon as it came in. But week after week, I didn't hear from her. And when I didn't, I called. I had to know. I hoped that we would be in Japan, back together as a family, by Easter. 

Nope. Easter came and went and still no passport. Not even a word about a passport. I started calling our agent twice a week. And bless her heart, she was so understanding! She had no control over how fast or slow this would be. But she continued to try to get ahold of the State Department weekly to check on it's progress. And each and every time, we got the same answer back. "It's still being processed".  I was beginning to lose patience. When was this going to end? Why was it taking so long? When would we get to leave? Why did this road have to be so long?

I started thinking, "What, God, am I supposed to be learning here? I'll learn it! Please, I'll do whatever it takes...just let us go...I want to be with my husband." I was tired of living like gypsies...living out of suitcases, staying with this sister or that one...I just wanted to be "home" with my husband.

But still, no passport came...

(To be continued...)

*Pictures are from the "photo shoot" talked about here.

It's time

I had to take a break from the PCS story. I'm not in much of a writing mood today. I guess it's because I've been missing my hubby. And...I'm missing my Daz man, who is with his dad until the 1st of July. Or maybe it's because my younger two are in day camps all this week -- Allyssa's doing theater, and Colby is doing "World of Sports" -- and they're both loving it. Which means I have lots of quiet time on my hands during the day. From 9 to 5 to be exact.

Which is a good thing. I'm not complaining. We've been without "daddy" for 3 1/2 months, so this break that I'm getting is much needed!  And during the day, as I'm making phone calls about flying our dog and going through all our paperwork to make sure all our ducks are in a row for our flight... as I'm reading a book or watching a tv show... As I'm walking my dog or talking to a friend...I just can't help but think of all the unpacking I could be doing if I were "home", in Japan.

So, all this quiet time is making me realize that...I'm ready. Allyssa has to finish her Theater program and do her show on the 1st, then we're off to visit my Mom and some of my high school friends, then to turn my van in to be stored for three years...and then we will be catching our flight on the 5th. Oh, I can't wait!! I miss my hubby...and I miss having my own home. And all of this quiet time is making me realize that...I'm tired of waiting around, I'm sick of living in suitcases, I'm ready to have my own home and not be in someone else's space (although we are so very thankful for the generosity of that space)...I need our routines, our things, and most of all...us to be together again.  All of this quiet time is making me realize that I'm ready...it's time.

And...that patience is a virtue. So, with my time, I will be patient. I've made it this far; I can handle 12 more days.

And with all this quiet time, I realized, I'd better make a service announcement. To my husband. Craig.

Craig, I just want you to know that we all miss you. And that we're enjoying our last weeks here. But that doesn't take away from how much we miss you. And when we get to Japan and are together again, there are two things I will need from you:

1) I will need for you to really help with the kids and to give me some "time" to myself. Which I know you will be able to do with ease, because you are a wonderful father, and you are so excited to see them...that you will do this willingly.  But, I just figured I'd give you a heads up; that I'll be needing it.

AND

2) I'll need you time. Me time. Us time.  Because I utterly and completely miss you!!

 

PCS Purgatory -- MY side of the story -- part 3

If you haven't yet (and would like to) read the first parts to our PCS Purgatory story, click here:

part one

part two 

When I left off last, I was talking about the first of the year and how things were hectic as we were in the midst of leaving Alabama on our military move to Japan. We were busy with packers and movers and boxes and goodbyes. Life "in the moment" had taken control; we were busy with the things at hand. It was hard to think ahead to visiting family and international flights when we had to deal with other things that were more pressing. Things like how it was taking three days for our packers to box up our belongings when they had scheduled for one. 

Like how it was harder to take apart our home -- to take down decorations, paint walls back to "air force white", and say goodbye to the house that had become our home. Generally speaking, when we move into a base house, I intentionally do my best to turn it into something special, something we feel proud to call home. For me, that's the easy part. But when we leave, I have to paint it all back and return it to that generic base house that we first walked into -- for the next Airman who will call that house their home.

Is doing all that... is it physically hard? Not nearly as much as it is emotionally difficult.

And as we continued saying our goodbyes in Montgomery, I began to realize something.  I realized that every other military move we have done... I have felt ready for it. That doesn't mean that I loved moving away from family or friends, or that the move was easy. But I knew it was "time" for a new chapter in our life, in our military journey. This time around, it didn't feel like that to me. I had gotten so settled and secure in my life, in our lives, and it hurt me to move away. It was the hardest move I've ever done. And I can't pinpoint why. All I knew was that one night, when I looked out my window and thought, 'I am even going to miss the Alabama sky'...I realized that I was grieving, and that would take some time to process.

 

But time we didn't' have. Our move was in full swing and we still weren't getting the cooperation we needed to get my oldest son's passport. Like I said before, I was worried about what our options were. And added to all the normal stresses of an overseas move... to the movers and packers and goodbyes... was this mess with the passport.

{Sigh} How did this get to be so messy?

I don't know.  But I did know that I was running out of time. That we were planning to spend a month visiting family, and that my husband, my airman, had to report to Japan by the end of March. And that a passport would take about that long to get.

{Sigh again} I started to get worried. What if we couldn't get the passport? What if we couldn't get the signature that we needed? Could Craig turn down his orders or ask for something different? Maybe, but that would not be good for his career, which in turn means that it wouldn't be good for our family. Not to mention, he could ask to turn it down, but it wasn't a guarantee. He had turned down his one-year remote orders to Korea back in 1999, when Allyssa was a newborn baby. Six months later, he had them again -- those same exact orders!

I felt like the well-being of our family rested on my shoulders. That figuring out how to make this move happen -- for us all to be together -- was my job. I asked around for advise, called air force organizations, and went onto a military website in Okinawa and posted questions on their discussion boards. No one that I talked to had ever been in our exact situation. The few people that had somewhat similar stories talked about leaving their child behind with the other parent.

Wow...I was starting to get worried. Unless forced, that was not an option for me. Not for my son or for my family. And what was frustrating was that my oldest -- he was excited about this move. He is looking forward to it. And above all else...that boy and me... we are a family. He's always lived with me. And it's not just me, but his brother and sister...

and the step-dad that he often call's "dad". Craig and I were married when he was 18 months old; it's what he's always known. I was going to do everything I could to keep it that way. Everything I could do to let him know that even though his dad and I weren't agreeing, that none of this...nothing...was his fault. And that we all love him very, very much! I still needed to figure out what to do...

But how? I wasn't sure. I prayed about it and days later, in the middle of a real "low" spot, while I was doing laundry and singing some of my favorite praise songs -- the obvious answer came to me.  Let go and let God -- and get a LAWYER!! So, I spent a few really long days doing some research.

We hired a lawyer in the State of Washington (where my parenting plan for my oldest was filed -- hence, where the case has jurisdiction) and where we were soon going to be visiting family.  I found out that I really needed to update the parenting plan (it's called that because we were never married) that was drawn up ten years ago. That it would need to provide information about how we would work things out (i.e. visitation, the cost of transportation, etc.) while I was in Japan. I also found out that I could file an Intent to Relocate with the court. And since there was a bit of resistance...and I needed a signature for my boy's passport...my lawyer suggested going to court to get the relocation approved.

So, that was a very nerve-wracking step. Hiring the lawyer and filing all of that paperwork. I prayed. I questioned all of it. I wondered, "what am I doing -- having to go to court over THIS??"  I got angry over the thousands of dollars that was being spent. I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Was I handling Daziel's dad in the right way? I prayed some more. I ran through scenarios in my head -- about what if the relocation was not approved? What if my family has to be split up? 

I also thought about how this was affecting my son. Was he feeling like this was his fault? He knew now that we all had our passports, but that he was still waiting on his. I talked to him about how he needed his dad's "go ahead". I tried my best to be neutral when I was talking to him about it. I tried to give him the information that his (then) eleven-year-old questions warranted without tainting it by my views or feelings and without giving him too much information. But on the flip side, I couldn't leave him hanging. He was asking questions, and he deserved some answers.

I tried, with all my motherly love, to make it all better for my boy. And it broke my heart when I could see -- in his demeanor -- that it was hurting him. And that...that hurt me! I prayed more and more. I didn't know why this obstacle was in my path, but I prayed for the courage and strength to go through it all.

This move was so stressful, and my anxiety level was rising. We saw Killian for the last time and said very sad "see you soon"'s to him. As we traveled from Alabama to Wisconsin...from warm weather to snow...I was met with even more hurdles...the anniversary of my step-dads death, saying hello's and then shortly after, goodbye's, to family...things that would normally be hard. Stressful. But with everything else on my plate, it all seemed to be such a huge weight. So hard to deal with. Such a heavy burden.  

Despite, I tried my best to keep a positive attitude. To be happy for my family while we were traveling. To not let the stress get to me. I look back now, and I don't know that I always succeeded. 

During the weeks leading up to our court date... the date set to see if the judge would grant me, a military wife, permission to move my son to the Air Force Base in Japan that my husband had been assigned to... my stomach was in knots. I was beginning to see physical sings of the stress that I was enduring. It wasn't good.

I don't know exactly how I made it through that hard month of sleepless nights. Yes... I do. The Grace of God. Because He doesn't give us anything that we cannot handle. Because eventually, in there, I was able to take some deep breathes and know that I no longer had control. That there wasn't anything more I could do about it, and that the outcome was going to be what it was going to be.

On my way into the courtroom on that March morning, just days before our scheduled flight to Japan, the knots in my stomach started to return.  So over and over in my head I recited The Serenity Prayer. As cliche as it may seem, it was helpful. The repeated...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

It helped. As I sat in that courtroom...my mom and my husband by my side... with my son's father, waiting for the judge to tell us her ruling on the parenting plan and the request to relocate, I had peace before I ever even knew the outcome.. 

(to be continued...)

High Tide

I'm sorry I wasn't able to post last night. I had gotten on such a "roll" with posting every night -- it has become part of my bedtime routine. But last night we had a thunder storm, so I figured that it was best to stay off the computer. Which means, I didn't have time to write more about our PCS Purgatory...

Instead, I spent a good bit of time reading. And I happened upon this quote, which, I felt really went along with yesterday's post and what is going on in our lives right now. Which makes me think that it is probably something many of you can relate to as well, so I share:

(Picture of Colby from Summer '08, Florida Gulf Coast)

"Every one of us

is called upon, probably many

times, to start a new life.

A frightening diagnosis, a

marriage, a move, loss of a job...

And onward full tilt we go,

pitched and wrecked and absurdly

resolute, driven in spite of

everything to make good on a

new shore.  To be hopeful, to

embrace one possibility after

another -- that is surely the basic

instinct...Crying out: High tide!

Time to move out into the

glorious debris. Time to take

this life for what it is."

-- Barbara Kingsolver,

FROM HIGH TIDE IN TUCSON

 

A move of convenience?

I had to take a break from my PCS Purgatory posts. I will get back to that soon.

I am planning on changing my blog picture and design soon. It's time. The picture that is on my banner at the top of this blog page is years old! Years, can you believe that? I'm not sure what has been holding me back, but it's long overdue. So, this evening I was browsing through pictures, trying to find a new one or two to use in my header. I wasn't successful and didn't find anything that caught my eye. What I did find (yes, I really need to spend more time organizing my digital photos) was a bunch of other precious pictures. I found the picture that you see above in the banner of this page -- and all of the other pictures that were taken on that day. 

These pictures were taken in the Fall of 2006. I can't believe they are almost three years old! They were taken by my good friend, Delphine. I was just getting to know her at the time. We volunteered together at our kids' school. She was artistic and had a good eye and was willing to come with me and my family (along with her awesome camera) and do a "photo shoot".  I knew she would be able to translate my vision of my family photos into something wonderful. 

 

This year, I wanted family photos that were different than our usual studio shots. And Delphine was so willing to help me out! You know, that's something that amazes me about military wives. We get to a new base. We don't know anyone. But we're willing to jump in, meet people, reach out our hands, open up our hearts, and do nice things for each other.

I was so very fortunate that during the four years that we lived in Montgomery -- while we were at Maxwell AFB -- that I was able to make so many great friends. Friends like Delphine.

I look at these pictures now and feel so blessed! Blessed that months after meeting me and my family, she was willing to tag along with us as we walked and talked, as we goofed around and spent family time...willing to document it. Our lives. Us being us. 

 

These pictures are some of my most favorite and treasured. And looking at them not only makes me miss the south, that base, the city of Montgomery...

 

but it makes me miss so much more.

I loved where I was at in my life in Montgomery. I had a wonderful group of friends that uplifted me and helped me to grow! I had a supportive and inspirational church family. 

 

I liked how I had my house decorated and organized. I loved my yard. I enjoyed my neighbors. I loved the school the kids were going to and the friends they had. We loved the activities they were involved in...their swim team, their scout troop, their ball league.

So, lately, during this whole moving mess -- I've been irked by something. Something was said to me about this move that just crawled under my skin. It was said that this move is for "our convenience". I don't think anything else has gotten to me more then when I was told that.

Now, are we moving because of my husband's career; is this move going to be beneficial to him in that way? Why, yes, it is. It's that very career and sacrifices that we, military families make, that help to ensure freedoms...even for those people who think our life is convenient.

 

Will we get to Japan and have great experiences there? Well, I sure do hope so! Will we have wonderful opportunities and make new, wonderful friends? I'm sure we will! Because we have to. That's a part of this military life that we live. But, that doesn't mean that it's easy. It doesn't mean it's always by choice. And in my opinion, it is never "convenient".

It's not convenient to explain to your children why we have to constantly move on. They get it, they try to understand...and we try our best to continue to be a close-knit family so that reality isn't as hard for them to endure. But it's still not convenient.

Literally packing up a  house in Alabama and moving it to Japan -- yeah, soooo not convenient. The logistics of what to take, what to leave, what to give away...what to pack for the plane, how to even get all of us (kids, dog, 12 pieces of luggage) on the plane. Yep, you got it, not convenient.

But here's the thing.  Even though it's not convenient, we do it willingly. With an adventurous spirit and an eager attitude. Because we are optimistic and we try to make the best of the opportunities (good, bad, or ugly) that this military life throws our way. How else would we handle it? Kicking and screaming the whole way because Japan isn't where we wanted to go? Nope. Because that wouldn't do anybody any good -- we have to go to Japan. So we make the decision to do it willingly. However, willingly is different than convenient. 

Saying those goodbyes to our church, neighbors, classmates and teachers, sports teams, scout troops, and all the good friends we made? Good friends like Delphine? I'd say that is by far the most difficult thing about the military way of life.  Because goodbye's are not convenient.

PCS Purgatory -- MY side of the story -- part 2

If you missed part 1 and would like to read it, click here.

I am realizing that talking about this with all of you is therapeutic. So before I start, I want to say, thanks for listening (or reading). And if you can really make it through all of this drivel, a really big thank you!

Ok, so where were we? Oh yeah...the passport...and about how we thought that things were going to go according to planned.  How we had hoped that things would be stress-free. As much as a move from Alabama to Japan -- with three kids (Killian lives with his mom, remember), a dog, and a month of visiting family on the way -- could be. But then, things began to turn upside down, and inside out...and suddenly...they were spinning...

How did all that spinning begin? Hmmnn...In order to PCS (move) to an overseas location in the military, we are required to have a military passport. This differs from a regular tourist passport in that the regular passport allows you to visit a country for 90 days. A military passport allows us to live in that country for as long as we are on orders to be there.

Before we left Montgomery to move to Japan, we had to work on getting our military passports.  This takes some time, as passports usually do, so we applied for them well before we left Alabama so we wouldn't have to worry. When we applied for the kids' passports, though, they told us that it may take a bit longer to get them for our oldest boys. Why? Because they each have a different parent, and that they would need to consent too.

Ok -- we thought optimistically; this shouldn't be too difficult. We thought that both Killian's mother and Daziel's father would be pretty agreeable. We were asking that Killian come to Japan during his visiation times... he had come all the way to Washington from Georgia when we were stationed at Fairchild AFB. And that wasn't a problem then.  And we were planning to have Daziel move with us (as he has always done), and come back to the states when it was his time to see his father. In my mind, it was not too much different, really, than living across the country. It wouldn't change that we weren't close enough for every-other weekend type of things, and visitation would be able to happen just as frequently. 

So, we thought that everyone would be ok with that. Why would there be an objection?  I mean, this move is because of the military. It's not like it's a whim or because of some crazy, fly by the seat of our pants kind of thing. It is a military move, we have orders, and when it comes down to it... not much of a choice. 

So contact was made in an effort to get the signatures the we needed for the older boys' passports. And understandably there were concerns, questions, and some resistance. We were moving thousands of miles away. We were no longer just going to be across the country, we were going to be across the globe. 

We encouraged discussion from our exes -- that questions about the move, the base, about the schools and kids programs should be asked.  I was happy to answer them. I had to answer them for my kids everyday. I had to research it for myself, too, when I needed reassurance and reminders about why we were uprooting our family and moving to the other side of the world. Eventually Killian's mother signed the paperwork. We cheered and said hurray -- one more hurdle in the midst of this mountainous move had been overcome.

We patiently waited for questions to come from Daziel's father. We waited for concerns to be discussed. We talked to the kids and got them excited about this move. Excited because of the awesome culture we'd get to experience, that the Japanese island of Okinawa has so many great things to do... that we'd be living by lots of beaches, and who doesn't love beaches? We discussed how we are a military family, and this is what we do. We talked about how we're grateful to have each other. And we tried our best not to dwell on the fact that we were leaving friends, scout troops, sport teams, and a community that we loved. We tried our best to look on the bright side.

Then...we waited. For those questions and concerns to come rolling in. For some dialogue about how our blended family was going to make this work. We kept waiting and waiting...and while we waited... packers came and boxes were filled. Moving trucks were loaded and rooms were painted. Good times were cherished, the rest of our passports came in, goodbye's were sadly said, and our travels began. Because...we were on orders.

And still, the questions never came. I tried to have sympathy and understanding, but time was running short. My son needed a passport to go to Japan, and he didn't have one. The spinning...it was getting faster.

So I freely gave information. I emailed websites about anything I could think of that may have held answers to where the silent opposition lay.  We signed up for skype and vonage so we'd have many ways to communicate from abroad.  But still...nothing but the response that things still had to be figured out. That consent was not given for us to move to Japan with his son; permission was not yet granted.  There was no discussion, no dialogue, no trying to compromise or figure it out. And why, I cannot exactly say... lots of water under the bridge. I will not begin to place blame here, but I will say that I felt sad. Sad that this is what our parental relationship had been reduced to. Sad that we didn't communicate much, and when we did, it wasn't well.  

I was also sad for my family, that the workings of the stereotypical "blended family" was raring it's ugly head. That it looked like there may be a kink in the plans. I was especially sad for Daziel... that his biological parents couldn't communicate. I was sad that he knew that everyone else had a passport except for him.

I felt backed into a corner. I didn't know what to do. What were our options? If Daziel didn't have a passport, he couldn't go to Japan. And I...I couldn't go to Japan without my son...

(to be continued)

*Pictures are from our family vacation to Disney World last Christmas.

PCS Purgatory -- MY side of the story -- part 1

First off -- a few clarifications. I need clarifications because without them, my mind is hazy and I can't think strait. So clear mind; hopefully clear thoughts.

(Our stuff nearly all packed in Alabama -- February, 2009.)

So to clear it up for those of you who aren't familiar to military acronyms, PCS means Permanent Change of Station. My husband, Craig, is in the Air Force and we are in the middle of PCSing (or, moving) from our last base in Alabama to his new duty station in Okinawa, Japan. And just so you know, it is not normal for a PCS to take this long. We are the exception, not the rule.

Another thing I'd like to clarify is -- that I'm Catholic. I'm not poking fun or making jokes when I call this our PCS Purgatory. I do chuckle a bit at my "inside joke". But really, some people have been calling this our PCS from hell, or have been telling me that I am in PCS hell. But really, I'm a bit more optimistic than that. Hell seems so...so horrible and sad and hot and miserable. Hell seems so damned and definite, so final. That's not what this "journey" has been like. At different times it has been trying, unexpected, frustrating, difficult, and even a bit painful. But in the end, I know that there will be a good outcome because I am faithful, hopeful, and ever the optimist. 

That is how I relate this PCS to purgatory; because it's been a longer process than expected. We thought there wouldn't be any hangups and we'd just get to where we are going (Japan) without an issue -- without having to "do time".  Obviously, that was not the case. But even though it hasn't been, and this move has been emotional and hard at times, I believe that it's all happened with a purpose. We -- my family -- have had some hard lessons to learn. But when it's all over and done and we are on the other end talking about this PCS, we will be feeling very blessed. Blessed to be back together again -- as one family. Blessed to have gone through this eye opening experience because it has given us a greater appreciation for many things. And as a Catholic, that too is what I believe that purgatory is about. I'm not going to preach about that, because really, I wouldn't do it justice. But if you're curious, I think this article explains it really well. 

Ok, enough of that -- lets start this thing... 

I'm going to start by telling you what's current; the news of the hour. I just booked our flight yesterday, and the kids and I will OFFICIALLY be flying to Japan on July 5th.

Now, lets back up.  We (with Craig) originally left Alabama on February 19th to begin our trek across the country. We thought that we would spend a month traveling to visit family. We would drive to Wisconsin to visit Craig's family and then to the Northwest to visit mine.  Our thought was that that would take a month, then we'd be off -- on our mary little way -- to Japan. Together. As one big happy family.

So, have you ever had a time in your life where you had plans -- and they got TOTALLY turned upside down, inside out, and then rung out? Well, yeah! That's what happened with us and this move...

Craig did leave for Japan when we had originally planned that we all would. He had to. He was on military orders and had to "report to duty" -- because that's the way the military works. He left here on March 19th, which means he has been in Japan for almost three months. Three months without us. Three months alone, in a new country, apart from his family.

Why didn't we go? Why did the kids and I have to stay in the states?

Well, it all begins with...a passport...

(to be continued tomorrow)

A date, a date -- I finally have a date!!

No, I'm not going OUT on a date -- I finally know the date that the kids and I will be flying to Japan to join Craig, my valuable husband, their dynamic daddy, that man we've really been missing -- in that house that really needs to be unpacked. 

So...the news we've all been waiting for, (drum roll please)...

we will officially be flying to Japan on July 5th. We are so happy that we finally see "a light at the end of the tunnel"!!! We're so happy that we will soon be together again.

I also know that I can't leave it at that. Many of you have asked me questions about our move to Japan. You've emailed. Called. Left me messages on Facebook. So, I know you've got inquiring minds. Either because you love us and are concerned -- or because you're human and want to hear the drama. Whichever the case...

For the most part I've been steering clear of posting too many details and too much information about what's been going on regarding this whole move on my blog. Why? For a few reasons. Because I think that not everyone wants to hear about it and because I wonder, is it really something I should be talking about?

But the more you all ask, and the more I have to tell the story over and over , or avoid saying it over and over -- the more I realize... there's nothing wrong with telling it. There's nothing wrong with me talking about what's going on in my life. That it's my crazy life, and maybe someone can learn something from my story. That it's my beautiful life, and that over the last several months, I have learned a thing or two -- or ten, because of what's been going on. And by sharing it, maybe you can learn something from it too...

(Because the "story" is so long, I will be breaking it into a few different posts starting tomorrow -- so stay tuned.)

mommy lessons

My husband, who apparently reads my blog much more than I realized, made a comment to me this morning while we were having our routine morning phone call. (Yes, that's an example of life as a military couple -- many times we are reduced to having to sustain our relationship through phone calls, emails and letters. Who am I kidding -- it's 2009, I don't mean letters, I mean Facebook.) So, during our morning conversation, Craig said to me, "Sounds like you had a bad day yesterday with Colby."  "No", I said, "why would you think that?"  "Well, because of what you posted yesterday on the blog."

Ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha.

He he ha! I laughed for a while.

Then I proceeded to tell him that, no, I didn't have a bad day with Colby. That surely it hadn't been that long since he'd been around Colby. That surely he had to know that yesterday was a good day with Colby. Because, if I can send him into time-out and come in to check on him and still think he looks cute -- then that's a good day!

On the other hand, there are days that are not so good. With Colby. With the rest of my brood. Sometimes, we have those days where none of us are on the same page. And especially lately, considering our circumstances, we have had days when we're all cranky, or missing Craig...when I'm tired, they're wired...when this one doesn't want to listen , this one doesn't mind listening as long as it's to the beat of his own drum, and this one, she to gets so stinkin' rotten sassy. And sometimes, sometimes...I just don't have the patience for it.  Sometimes, I wish they could just...learn their lesson, behave, mind their manners, obey, and do what they're told without whining or getting an attitude. And then sometimes...

sometimes, I hate that I don't have the patience for it. Or that I'm too tired to deal with it.

So I've been working on my tolerance level and how I react when I feel like my patience is running thin.  Tonight, after dinner, I sent my kids outside to play. To run out some energy because we had been having a bit of a day. Nothing big. but a few minor melt downs that had this tired mamma at the end of her rope. A little bit of not listening mixed with a lot of attitude blended with a tired mom kind of just made it one of them days. While they were outside, I did some relaxing, reading and slow breathing. I had to be able to finish the day without completely loosing my patience.

While I was reading, I happened upon this scripture that really helped me end my not-so-great day:

Proverbs 22:6  Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

It helped me to dig deep and finish the evening with my kiddos with the patience I needed to give to them; the patience they deserve. I was able to calmly put them to bed and spend some time with each of them, talking to them, reading with them, saying prayers. And digging deep to know that they're having a rough time right now too. That yes, I might be tired, but that they miss thier dad and they're tired too.

Reading that scripture and taking my time before I dealt with them tonight also helped me to learn a lesson: that sometimes, it's about me, and not about them. How I handle them; not how they're not handling themselves. Because -- they are children. That's why I'm the mother. Because I have to guide them, I have to prepare them for their future. Even when I'm tired. Even when my patience is running thin. Even when I'm doing it "alone" because their dad is half a world away. Even when it's easier not to.

The reward? Tonight I get to go to bed feeling good about my day. Well, good that I ended my day on a good note. Feeling like I'm making progress -- like I'm learning my mommy lessons.

Haircuts and an Update

So...do you ever do something drastic when you need a change? Or when life gets too mundane? Or stressful? Or because you're tired and hot and PMSing? (Sorry guys!) Well, yesterday, my darling daughter, Allyssa, and I went and got haircuts. Not a trim, either. Like, newer, shorter cuts. Read into that what you will...

And because I knew you'd ask to see -- I went ahead and took some pictures. (Really, I'm ONLY showing you the pictures of me because my hubby will want to see them. You know I'm not a big fan of posting pictures of my big ole melon head on here.)

  

Ok, yeah, so...trying to take my own picture in the mirror -- yeah, not so good at that. On to Allyssa's cute new do.

 

Oh my GOSH doesn't this make her look grown up?? Why'd I let her talk me into it? Why?

 

Because she's turning ten this year, so I figure I'd better start letting her have a say in these types of decisions. But I won't let her have a say in how many pictures of her I will take.

 

Even when she covers her face and says "pleeeeaaaassssseee stop, I think you have plenty"...nope, not me. I don't stop taking pictures of my kiddos. Even when they beg! I like to torture them like that.

 

She does, however, get to have a say in what pretty little things she gets to put in her hair.

Ok, ok, I know you want a better shot of me and my new haircut. I knew you'd ask. So, I talked the kids into taking pictures for me. Here ya go.

 

Wowza!! So I wasn't even planning on getting it cut yesterday. But I was hot. And it was driving me nuts. And...look how dang short it is!?!!!?!! I think I'll like it much better when it grows out a bit. I might even decide to get it angled a little bit. Or...not. 

And just for good measure...not that the kids aren't good at taking pictures...I asked my sister, Ange, to take a picture of me when she got home from work.

 

So now, for the update. Yes, we FINALLY have Daziel's passport. (Woo hoo, woo hoo. I actually did a happy dance when we got it last Friday -- my sister's dog started howling because I was making such an uproar.) We had booked a flight for this week, but now we ARE NOT flying to Japan this Thursday, the 21st as originally planned. We have to take a flight that has room for our beloved, dog, Nicholas who is much a part of our family. That flight didn't have room and we found that shipping him unaccompanied is going to just be way too expensive. So, I'm looking into a flight date of next week that will have room for the dog. So, we won't get to spend Daziel's Birthday this weekend with Craig, but we will be able to spend it with family. The poor Daz man...he is going to have to fly back to the states in about a month for his summer visitation with his Dad. I hate flying!! I hope he doesn't mind it as much as I do. I guess he'll be a pretty seasoned international traveler at the end of this assignment to Japan.

So, that's that for now. I'll update more when I know more. We're at my sister, Ange's in Cheney, until then...enjoying our new haircuts, which really means, wondering "what the heck were we thinking!???!??"

I have issues (no need to agree) and I need your help!

So yes, I have issues. Of many kinds. In many ways. And I know that every reader to this blog could weigh in here and together you could all have a fun roast in my honor. But that really isn't necessary. Why? Yes, yes, I know it could be alot of fun. But it's not necessary for you to point out all of my neuroses because, well, I dwell on them and point them out all on my own.  And I'm very good at it, actually. Thanks for asking! 

 

So what's my point? Well, I just wanted to let you all know that sometimes I don't blog because I have issues. Do you want to know what they are? They are really silly and stupid and...stupid! But I'm sharing them with you in the hopes that you can sit me down and talk to me about these issues so I can blog more often. So you can read about my crazy crap more often. So you can stop clicking on this page and getting the same old crazy crap. I know, I know, it drives me nuts too! So...

 

Blogging issue one: Sometimes I don't blog because I don't have a picture to go along with my post. And I hate to post without a picture. But here is the funny thing: I have tons of pictures because I take tons of pictures all the time! So why not insert some random photos into posts that don't have pictures to go with them, you say?  Ok, then, I'll do that from now on! Problem solved! Inserting a few random photos from the last few months.

Blogging issue two: Other times, like tonight, I want to blog about something. Something specific that I actually do have pictures to go with.  But I don't have my camera handy to download the pictures from. Like tonight, for instance, my camera is out in my van.  And guess what people? I love you!! But I'm not walking out there in the cold, while in my pajamas, to get it. Nope, not doing it!  So why not post about some other random nonsense, then? So that you don't have to click on this page to read the same old random nonsense again? And then blog about that other, more specific nonsense with pictures to go with it, tomorrow? Ok, I guess I can do that too! Sheesh! I didn't realize you'd be so helpful in solving my blogging issues...problem solved! Currently posting about random nonsense.

 

Blogging issue three: Many other times, I'm too busy watching tv to blog. Wow, not the issue you expected? You thought I'd say I'm too busy reading to my kids or folding laundry, didn't you?  Well...nope...that's not it! Because I do those things earlier in my day. And I'm a late night blogger. (Hey, I'm just being honest here.) So, as I was saying, I'm a tv watcher. That's how I wind down at night. I watch my favorite shows. Tonight -- American Idol baby (Adam! Adam! Adam!). Sorry! So, now you're telling me that since I bought myself a new laptop (yes, I did!!), and since you know that I actually like to "multitask", that I should blog while watching those shows on tv? Well, hmnnn...uughhh...errmmhhh...I guess I hadn't thought of that!! Hey, good point there! I could actually do that! Problem solved!! (You know, you're good at this!!) Ok, I am not watching tv at the moment. But the next time I post, you'll be wondering what I'm watching, I know you will!!

 

Blogging issue four:  I like to write. I don't like to edit. I like to do things right. I don't like to edit. And to be honest, I'm not the worlds best speller.  (No, I know I don't suck at it either.  But I also know how often I use dictionary.com, and how often I should use it.)  Yes, this blog does have spell check that I can use. But guess what? I hate using it!!! Because my children are named Daziel, Killian, Allyssa and Colby. And I blog about them alot. And guess what, ALL of their names get picked up on this stupid spell check thing! And...and...it's just darn annoying is what it is!  Did I mention that I don't like to edit? And to add to all that, I use too many commas, hyphens, and ellipses...and I start sentences with the word And and But and put exclamations after EVERYTHING!! So...I don't like to edit, but because I like things done right, I can't just say "who cares" about the spelling and grammar stuff. Because it bugs me to read it, so it must bug you, right? Right!?!  So, anyone out there willing to read my blog posts and then send me and nice little email to let me know what my typos are?  Hmnnn..anyone good at spelling and grammar and being kind and sweet?  Please don't post it in my comments, though, because that would lead to utter embarrassment! Anyone? Anyone? Ok, I got it!! I'll just have to do it. I need to get over it and edit already!!  Editing now.

So that's it, folks. Those are the issues I sometimes have about blogging. Nope, it's not EVER because I don't have anything to say. I ALWAYS have something to say!!!  And I thank each and every one of you for being willing to listen to all that I have to say!!! Listening to my crazy crap, my random nonsense, and tonight, to my issues! And thanks for this great conversation, too! You were a great help!!!!!

Why do I torture myself?

So here's the scoop. Lately, I've decided to start slowly making some changes.  I'm deliberately and intentionally making time for myself so I can become healthier. In many different ways...mind, body, spirit. This last weekend, I decided that I was going to start a food journal. I want to write down what I'm eating because...well...honestly?  Because lately, I often feel a lot like...

 

(Picture, courtesy the Safari we went on at Animal Kingdom in Disney World.)

her! (Or him.)

 I think that part of my problem is that I don't think I'm totally aware of everything I eat. Sometimes I don't eat when I should and by the time I'm hungry...I'm STARVING and then eat too much. I don't drink enough water. I eat too much and need to work on portion size. Blah, blah, blah.

So this weekend, I did a little research and decided exactly how I wanted to do this food journal thing.  I decided on using The Biggest Loser approach, and I did it today. So far, so good! It's helping me to be more aware of what I'm eating. And I even drank six glasses of water. Judging by how often I've ran to the bathroom, that's more than normal. So, that's good too! I've stayed within my "budgeted" calories for the day.   I'm proud of myself.

Wait, there's more to it.  Like icing on the cake. (Yes, I had to add that because -- well -- it just fits!)  When I got on the scale this morning, I weighed 10 lbs. less than what I weighed when we left Montgomery, 2 months ago.  How's that for getting a girl motivated? It worked for me!

The kicker? I'm sitting here getting ready for bed, flipping through the channels trying to find something to watch before I fall asleep. What do I decide on? I decide to watch Diners Drive Ins and Dives on the FOOD NETWORK.  I'm almost drooling as I'm  watching as Guy Fieri visits these diners where they make awesome food...NONE of which I would be proud to write down in my food journal.

Ok, ok, I hear you already...I'm changing the channel!! And I'll keep you posted on my quest to become healthier. 

P.S. When I went on to check that my post posted (something I always do because I'm ODC like that), it shows that it posted on April 21st. But on my side of typepad, it shows the 20th like its supposed to.  What do you see for the date on this post? Just curious, 'cause I"m anal like that.

Go Shorty... It's My Birthday!!

Well...not really any more. But it was on Wednesday.  And I had a really great day! I woke up to my husband calling to wish me a Happy Birthday. Then I went outside to find this...

 

some girlfriends of mine did this to my van.

 

And my kids insisted that I leave the paint on the windows all day. That was fun! After I got the kids on the bus, I went back to sleep and slept in. Then I went to lunch with "my girls".  We went to my favorite Mexican Restaurant, where the waiters surprised me by singing Happy Birthday while trying to feed me my dessert. 

Hey...hold on mis amigos, it's my Birthday, not my wedding day!! We had a super fun lunch...I've got such a good group of friends!! 

      

I've got a pretty good husband too. He had a beautiful bouquet waiting for me when I got home from my afternoon pedicure (I treated myself to a deluxe pedi with some of my Birthday money). Craig did a really good job too...they were some of my favorite flowers in some of my favorite colors. Thank you, honey!

 

And after I put my kids to bed, my good friend Janna came by and spent the evening with me so I wouldn't have to be alone on my Birthday. I felt so loved! I had tons of phone calls and emails and cards and gifts and I felt so very special. Thank you -- everyone -- who played a part in making this a very special Birthday!!!  It's official...twenty nine and holding!!

Home and Hurting

So, our Talent Show/Silent Auction/Art Exhibit was Friday night.  We called the event our "Night of the Arts".  It was FABULOUS!!!  The show was great!  We raised alot of money.  And I would take a moment to tell you all about it if my knee wasn't throbbing and my foot didn't feel like I was steppin' on needles and I wasn't all goofy on pain meds.  I'm home today (very odd, I'm usually not home during the week).  My foot was hurting so bad by Friday night I could barely walk on it.  I came home, put it up, iced it.  I figured it was because I had been on it in less than ideal shoes for over 15 hours.  I figured by morning it'd feel better.  By Saturday morning, I couldn't walk.  So, I went to the doctor.  (PriMed because the base doctors close over the weekend.)  Yes, yes, I know, this is very typical Charity.  No, I didn't think to call my doctor after the two weeks of walking with Craig when my foot was hurting.  Nor have I ever thought to call the doctor for just a "minor ache or pain".  And the thing is - that's what I do.  I forge on, keep going, ignore the pain (and I have a very high pain tolerance people, three babies and not even one scream, no joke).  So what I'm saying is, by the time I get to the doctor, I'm hurting really bad, and usually, am in pretty bad shape.  And...yes, I know...if I would have gone to the doctor earlier, I probably wouldn't be hurting so much.  At PriMed they took x-rays, looked at my foot, poked me and hurt me some more.  And then they told me I have heel spurs, that they are pretty bad and I need to stay off my foot until I can see a podiatrist, and then the doctor gave me some meds.  And, I don't know how the rest of you are in regards to pain medication.  But you see, I am the same way about taking medication as I am about seeing a doctor.  I don't like to do it.  So by the time I do, I have to take alot.  And since I don't take them that often, they make me loopy.  So, yes, I'm home and hurting today.  But I'm home, hurting, and loopy waiting for the podiatrist to call me back.  So, it's all good.

What I Know for Sure

On a side note to yesterday's post...

(if you haven't read it, perhaps you should read it first)

I know for sure that this is why I do what I do...that  I, hands down, no but's about it, would not be nearly as plugged in or have nearly as much knowledge as to what my children are doing in school if I weren't so involved. If I weren't so involved, Mrs. Hill (who doesn't actually teach any of my kids) would not know me by name, and probably would not stop me in the hallway to tell me about Daz and how great he is with the robots.  Some of you may think that I am crazy for the amount of time I spend at the school.  It is literally the equivalent of a full-time job.  (The hours I spend there.)  And the effort that is put in, is probably more than the "typical" 9 to 5.  But you know what?  I knew that when I signed up to be the PTO President. I witnessed the time and effort that went into it last year.  I was aware of what I was signing up for.  And I have a great PTO board, who are also fantastic friends, who feel the same way and put as much effort into it too. We have many wonderful volunteers, and such appreciative teachers and staff... I am not kidding when I say, this PTO does more than any school I've seen before.  But we all enjoy it and have so much fun with it.  It truly shows when you see us all working together.  There is a team effort, a synergy, and it is really something incredible to be a part of!  Yes, on some weeks it gets tiring, but when you see the sparkle it puts in a child's eyes, or the pep it puts in a teacher's step, it is all very much worth it!  I love being so involved in this school! And even on my tired weeks, I need to be thankful for what I am doing. I know for sure that I have been given a gift and an opportunity to be where I am, and a part of such an amazing thing! 

I also  know for sure that this time is limited for me. In our household, being a stay-at-home mom is not really much of an option.  Before we lived here, I worked, I did home daycare.  And the reason I am "staying home" now, is because I am a full-time student.  It is temporary, and after I graduate the real world will be calling my name and I will become a career mom.  I look forward to that day.  But I am also living in the moment, loving what I am doing in the now.  Yes, I've taken advantage of being a student by taking on this PTO position.  And some of you may wonder, "well, if she can do the PTO thing that is the same amount of time as full time job, why can't she do a real job?".  Truth is, I probably could.  But I will have the rest of my life for that.  For working, and earning, and being a career woman.  And on that same thought, at this point in time I probably would not be able to have a job that lets me set my own hours the way that I do.  And what I do has helped me to learn so much about planning and leading and resolving and problem solving, which in turn, makes me much more marketable and valuable after I graduate.  And most importantly, I know for sure that I would never be able to find a job that would allow me be so invested in my children's lives. 

I know for sure that I am blessed to have the daily interactions I have with my own kids at school.  The privilege of being allowed to poke my head in to tell Allyssa, "Don't forget to go to Choir after school, I'll be here to pick you up" and seeing the smile on her face because she knows I'm there.  Of seeing Colby's class walking back from lunch -- giving him a five as he passes after he's told me his crayon is still on green -- giving him encouragement to keep it that way for the rest of the day.  I have the luxury of having a PTO room right next door to Daziel's classroom where his teacher will stop by every once in a while to tell me "Do you know what your son did...it was so funny!" and where I can peek in to make sure he's having a good day.  I see him at his locker in between classes and can give him a hug, that big bear hug that he still so willingly gives.  A hug that I know may not be offered up so freely in the future.

And I know for sure that it is worth it!  My heart wells with pride when I see the children at our school... and not just my own children.  I'm proud of the pre-schooler who says, "Hi, PTO!!" with such excitement and sparkle in his eyes that I know he will grow up and volunteer one day too.  I'm proud of the 2nd grader that is walking by with her art project and smiles a wide, satisfied smile when I say, "I love your painting, it is fabulous!"  And I am proud of the 6th grader who auditions for the Talent Show, asking to be allowed to perform for 4 minutes instead of the allowed 2.5 because he's playing his guitar, and he is incredibly talented and deserves that much time to shine!  It gives me great satisfaction because the children of this school are our children, our military children, and I am proud of them all!.  I know that they deserve all that I have to give while I am able to give it!

I know for sure that I must really try to cherish it all.  That it is truly a gift.  I feel in my heart that what I am doing for my own children is a good thing. That what I am doing for their school and the other kids is too.  That it is what I'm supposed to be doing right now... but that soon, I will need to move on.  So I need to appreciate it while it's here, this "thing that I do", this time that I spend, this volunteer work.  It is such a blessing, it's worth it, and I will cherish it because it won't last forever...but while it's here I will appreciate it because it's amazing and fulfilling and that I know for sure!   

Trying to change, errr, I mean, remodel.

Yes, trying to change many things about me.  Or maybe I should say "remodel".  At the moment, it's my schedule.  My bed time, to be more specific.  I am, by nature, a late-night person.  A "night owl".  And especially when I was going to school at night, I would be up most every night, errr, morning, err...  I was most always up really late.  2am knew me well.  We had many, many dates.  But, I am trying to change.  Reasons?  1.) I am no longer in school at night.  I don't have any good reasons to be up so late.  I'm not in class until 10:30, I'm not walking in the door at 11pm 2.) My kiddos catch the bus at 7am.  And Craig needs a break from getting them up and ready...again I say, I no longer have an excuse.  3.) It's not good for me.  The more and more I read health books...so I can become healthier (another thing I'm trying to change,remodel), I read that staying up late is not good for you.  It gets your inner sleep cycle stuff all out of whack.  And I struggle with sleeping issues enough as it is.  4.) I eat unhealthy and too much after everyone is in bed.  Because I'm tired.  Or bored.  Or really letting my emotions get to me. Or whatever the reason.  Part of it is because I don't eat breakfast.  So, I eat lunch, dinner, and then again at night.  So what would you call that meal? Nighfast?  Ninner?  I don't know.  But that is another thing I'm trying to change.  I haven't eaten late in 3 or 4 days.  And I have been eating breakfast.  Oatmeal, a banana, and get this... 1/2 a cup of coffee with fat free creamer.  I know, me, coffee.  Who would've thunk!??!! 5.) I want to eventually work back into getting up before my family to work out. Yes, people, I said "back into".  When we lived at Fairchild (AFB), when I was doing daycare and had kids arriving on my doorstep at 6am, I would go to the gym with my neighbor at 4:30am...when it opened.  This was after I had Colby and had gained a horrific amount of weight and I was desperately trying to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Now, I'm not saying I'm going to try to get that motivated and be out the door at 4:30.  The gym here doesn't even open that early.  But I would like to be up and out the door by 5:00 or 5:30. 

So...off to a bath, some reading, and bed so that I can get up early and carry on with my life...that I am trying to change remodel. 

About that snow...

this is what i miss.  (thanks for letting me blog lift some good snowy photos, Ange, i couldn't quite produce them down here.  And love that ball...love, love, love it.  Where'd ya get it?  )  Aaawwwh, this light, fluffy, cozy (yes, snow is cozy) snow is so dreamy, isn't it?

The Calm Quiet of Winter

Something I miss about winter is the calm quiet that surrounds freshly fallen snow.  There is a serene and wonderful peacefulness that settles to the ground along with the intricate snowflakes in a winter snowfall.  And in those first snowfalls of the winter, and as the day turns to night, and the snow continues on, there is a soothing stillness.  Then, the morning comes and children roll out of bed, excited to put on their snow pants and hats, excited for sledding and snowmen, for snow angels and snow forts, excited for snow days and snowball fights.  And after all that excitement, more snow will come and bring with it a blank sheet of freshness.  And then... another unruffled and tranquil night, where the snow falls and dreams are made in the calm quiet of winter, will appear.

~Charity Zaleski

Grades

Have been anxiously awaiting my grades for this term...and they have finally been posted.  Straight A's.  Four of them.  Yipee!!!  I sincerely have to say thank you to a couple of great friends of mine who helped me tremendously with this term.  I couldn't have made it through Math and Lit. and my busy, hectic, PTO schedule without you! 

Boxes of Pampered Fun

Spent the day sorting through 8 boxes of Pampered Chef gadgets and oh so much fun stuff.  The party I had two weeks ago arrived, and I had over $1500 in sales...which means lots of stuff for me.  Ooohhh, it felt like Christmas!  So, ALOT of orders to get sorted and delivered.  It was fun though.  I was able to get most of the orders delivered with the help from my friend, Janna.  She loaded me and my three kiddos up in her Suburban with all our orders, a movie (Miracle on 34th street) and Chick Filet and we went delivering.  IT was actually a fun evening.  And look...I got these, along with a LOT of other things.  I can't wait to entertain now!!!

 

THE PLAN

So...what is my plan?  For me and school?  I will graduate this May (the 20th to be exact) with my Bachelors in Psychology.  But, as many of you already know, a bachelors degree in psychology isn't the end.  There aren't many careers out there that have "Bachelor's in Psychology" listed as one of their job requirements.  And really, I don't know that I want those jobs...I really want to be a counselor.  And that requires me to get a Masters in Counseling.  At least.  And as I've been finishing up my degree, I've realized how much I am loving what I'm learning.  How much I am passionate about it, and passionate about helping people to live their best possible lives...and I would love to be able to do that as a career, with all of that knowledge, and passion, and love for what I do.  And I don't feel like this is the end.  There are so many questions that have yet to be answered.  I feel like I'm just at the beginning of the knowledge that I need.  And not just in an "I need a masters degree to do this job" need - which is true, but it's more than that.  It's that... I want to know more.  I am excited to learn more.  I am excited to continue on this journey. 

So, I've gotten a GRE book and plan to study, in my free time of course, for my Graduate Record Examinations, which is an entrance test for a masters program.  (Oooh, doesn't that sound like fun?)  And I've been researching Counseling degrees.  Do you know how many of these there are out there?  Marital and Family Counseling, Substance Abuse Counseling, Educational Counseling, Social Work, School Psychometry...and the list goes on.  So, I've been researching the degree programs to find out what fits me the best. What fits what I want to learn, and what I want to do in the end with it.  And, I've been looking into the local schools in the area to see what programs they offer.  I may actually be able to continue on at Troy University.  They offer several of these degrees.  And I plan to start my Masters in the Fall.  Or maybe even this summer.  We'll see how that goes. 

And what's even more monumental for me, I suppose, is that I've gotten alot of encouragement from so many people who have made me realize that this isn't just a dream any more.  It's something that I'm following through with.  This is really going to be a reality.  I've had so much support and encouragement from an instructor of mine, Dr. Harris, who I've had for several classes -most recently my Senior Seminar.  She has told me several times she thinks I should go all the way.  For a doctorate.  That she believes in me.  And I know that many other people in my life do too.  My family.  My friends.  And it means the world to me.  Because for as long as I can remember, I have had the dream of going to college.  Of getting a degree.  Of becoming someone great, who can help the world.  But, I've always had doubt.  I thought it was the kind of dream you just have as a kid.  You know, like being an actor or a sports star.  I never really believed that I, the little girl who was born in a tee pee, the 17-year-old teen mother,  would be able to do this.  Now, I'm inspired.  You all have inspired me with your love and encouragement and your constant support and belief in me.  Which has led me to leave my feelings of doubt at the door and begin to really and truly believe in myself.  I believe that someday I will have my masters, and some other day I will have my doctorate, and I believe that someday you will get to call me Dr. C...and that folks, that's the plan.